Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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