I'm going to jail i love you
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
