White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
