i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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