Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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