The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
