It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize