Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
