Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
