yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
