Come see our sink grown plant.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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