batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize