i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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