dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
