Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
