Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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