My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
