I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
