He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
