He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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