I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
