**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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