the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
