i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
