I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize