tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
