The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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