I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
