dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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