It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
