is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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