There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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