Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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