Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
