your parents love me but you hate me
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
