You're my little dorito
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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