My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
