That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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