47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
