Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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