Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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