dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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