I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
