We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
