Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
