Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
