Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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