This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
