Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What did we do last night that was yellow?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize