Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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