I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
