I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
