Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
