there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
