She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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