It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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