LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
