I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
