Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When are your genitals available?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
