she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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