i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
