Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
