dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
