Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
