Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
