Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
