hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
