A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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