Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
