it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
