Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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