She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
